Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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