about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
