hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
