the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
