new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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