I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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