Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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