am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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