Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
