and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
