Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
