So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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