I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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