I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
