In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
