Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
