The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
