Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Help. Why am I so naked?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
