I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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