Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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