talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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