i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
