Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
