walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
