I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
