My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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