when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
