i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
