those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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