I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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