woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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