she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
