i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
