As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
