I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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