Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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