I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
