Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A+ Viking dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
