My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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