I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
