hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
