do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this hospital has no fireball
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
