I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
