she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
