Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
