one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
