she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
