I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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