I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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