I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
