My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
