Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
